Abode

30th August 2016

They say if you are seriously searching for something, you can even find God. But please come to Mumbai, and try to find a good flat. I was not some Aisha Banerjee from Wake Up Sid! who'd bump into the life of some Siddharth Mehra and get a new flat. Although the feeling was same. I felt like a sheep in the big city, trying not to get slaughtered.

From the 2nd day onwards, I started my exploration for a flat to reside. For the time being, I had this guest house at MHADA, Powai, courtesy "pitaji ka jugaad", for one week. I had no idea about where will I get good flats. So I asked one of my college friend who has been in this city for past 1 year. She said Andheri (E) is good. So I browsed for flats in Andheri (E). The first broker I met from 99acres.com called me up himself when I was just browsing on 99acres.com.

I ditched the lunch hours from the office and called an Ola to go to Andheri. I was casually talking with the driver. He started telling me about the city, the BEST buses. He even told me that if the BEST bus hits your car from the side, you won't even get the insurance claim. He told the bus should hit you from the back with the tail-light of your car properly crushed due to the collision for being eligible for the claim.

The broker, mullaji properly dressed in purple kurta-pyjama and white skull-cap over his head picked me up on his rickety bike from a pre-fixed point. He walked me through two flats at Marol, Andheri (E), both similarly awful. I feel brokers work for ScoopWhoop, because they start listing 12 good things about any flat, be it the worst flat of the city, like

1. 24 ghante paani; read - municipality ka paani nahi aayega to baarish ka paani aayega ghar me.
2. gas pipeline; read - almost phatne waali hai wo pipeline
3. bus stop yahaan baahar nikalte hi hai; read - bus stop hai, lekin tere office k liye koi bus nahi jaati.
4. paint kara k denge; read - walls ki saari seelan chhipake denge, jo baarish hone k baad dikhegi
5. kabhi aao, kabhi jaao; read - ladki la sakte ho ghar me, koi problem nahi hai, until padosi dekhke cops ko na bula le
6. locality bohot achhi hai; read - bhoot bangle me bi log rehte hain
7. mere paas aur bhi parties hain isi flat k chakkar me; read - ye dialog already 15 logo ko maarke aaya hu is thakele flat ke liye
8. paas me sab kuch milta hai; read - sirf chai-sutta milega har kone me.
9. kitchen k baaju me space dia hai; read - flat banaate waqt owner ka paisa khatam ho gaya to doosra room nahi banaya
10. isse sasta aur achha nahi milega kaheen aur / aapke budget me best hai ye; read - mera brokerage mujhe jaldi do.

The list of endless good qualities of a fucked up flat will keep going on.

I was returning back to office disappointed in UberPool. The Pool had a pickup of someone named Trevor who later on turned out to be a guiding light for me. He was a 40-45 year old man, taking his wife to a doctor.  I was so desperate to get a flat to live that I started talking with him. 

Me : Hi, do you live here 

Trevor : Yes

Me : Do you have in your knowledge any vacant flat or a good broker

Trevor : Aa.., yes, I can give you the contact no. of few brokers that I know of. 

Me : So kind of you. 

Trevor : No issues. But where do you work? 

Me : BKC 

Trevor : Ok, then why are you searching for flats here in Marol? 

Me : I heard here in Andheri (E) I can get flats in my budget. 

Trevor : Yeah, but you can get good flats near your office in Bandra (East), Santacruz, Vakola, Kalina, MIG. 

Me : Ok. I'll see (little uninterested in those locations he told). But wouldn't it be costly there? 

Trevor : What's your budget? 

Me : 20k 

Trevor : Ok you take the no. of these 2 brokers and talk to them. I'll call them myself to help you out. 

Me : Thanks a lot. 

Trevor dials his phone to the broker and says, "Yeah, Hi, how are you, yeah, I'm just fine too, achha there is a friend of mine, who has come to Mumbai and searching for flats. Ya, ya. Ok, they'll call you tomorrow. Ok. Bye". 

Trevor : Ok, so you call him in the evening and give him my reference. 

Me (stunned) : So kind of you, sir.

I mean, wow. I was so impressed. I was a total stranger to him. He himself called up the broker who I later on didn't call because those were in Andheri. His idea to live near the office (to save time in commuting) got held up in my head. And I started searching for brokers in Santacruz.